OHVELLO

One of the things I have found myself doing these last few months have been to dress up much more than I used to when there wasn't a pandemic. I'm a West Coast person, casual to the core, but after a year of literally not being able to go anywhere and wearing grubs and ultra-comfy clothes the entire time, dressing up became a link to feeling human. I dusted off my heels and started using them regularly. And I won't lie, it feels good to feel put together.  Before the year 2020, I had been running ragged and didn't know it. It was my normal routine, attending conferences, running to meetings almost every evening while working on work projects, my shops, and other things during the day. I had no idea how exhausted I was until I was forced to stay home. For me, the lockdown was a welcomed break as it gave me a reason to stop and breathe without anyone being able to say otherwise. The pandemic also gave me the reason I needed to say no even as things started opening up late...

My brain is tired.  This happens to me more than I can count and not everyone understands where I am coming from because I am not physically tired, just mentally exhausted. Sometimes, I feel like I'm one of those one-person bands, you know, the person who has every single apparatus strapped to their body and every movement they make plays an instrument attached to them?  It is exhausting.  Yet, things need to get done. Something in me tells me I have to be productive, I have to do my best, try my hardest, and keep going.  Even if it is only to conquer breadmaking.  To get the bathrooms cleaned. To get designs up and listed in the shop.  Get the blog written. And record my next sermon, and/or bible lesson for one of my students. Intertwined with those are other activities involving things we do within the community, and work or ministry-related video calls.  Perhaps, I am sharing too much but this is my life, this is some of what goes on behind the scen...

The day had been swelteringly hot and the humidity made every piece of clothing and hair stick to my skin.  The ceiling fan faithfully turned around over and over in circles offering me some respite with its gentle breeze while I sat at my desk working on my laptop. There was only one thing on my mind. Only one thought that clouded all other thoughts. The beach. I needed to get into the water. It took a lot of effort to be able to get what I needed to do done, but the motivation was there as the reward beckoned. It seems so unlikely, who would have thought a culmination of sand, salt water, waves, and breezes could be so tantalizing? None of them on their own would make heads turn but put them all together and they become heavenly. Getting submerged in water on a hot summer day is the best simple pleasure there is. It does not matter if it is being hosed down in the back yard, jumping into a lake or a pool, floating in the ocean, or even trying to fit into a kiddie pool. Let's face...

I tend to forget I am not Wonder Woman, no matter how much I would like to be.  I forget that my body gets tired, as does my brain. So many things to do, so little time to do it goes the adage. This is true, along with the fact that others who require your time and service do not think it is necessary for you to rest or to take a break. There is a push and a pull to be present at everything as if that is the true mark of authenticity and loyalty.  One thing I have learned is that no one will know when you need to take a time out for yourself but you. And when you know, you need to take action. "Just one hour," they say, while you know that one hour adds up to the five hours already committed to other meetings on the same day. So you say no and thunderclouds ominously appear over your head. They will pull and cajole and even shame you when pushing or cajoling do not work in a last attempt to manipulate.  Ignore the manipulation and stick with your priorities. Running on...